06 november 2009(my birthday)

today is 6 of november,it is a meaningfull day for me..... it is my birthday......why birthday must been called happy birthday ?? izit everyone when the day of their birth they can happy with the celebrating or other thing ?? why it different to me ?? izit i not a human ?? izit it is not worth for me to happy ?? the first minutes of today i really very happy because i receive a call from someone i love,she wishing me happy birthday.... even myself also already forget today is my birthday but she remember it.... izit means i have the chance to back together with she ?? she wish me can celebrate it with family and friend,wish me have a unforgetable birthday.... maybe until today she still didn't understand ??i already didn't have any friend..izit she already forget about it ?? when the day i dating with she,i put all my time on she... since that day,i already no find my friend come out for drink or chatting..... time goes day by day,all my friend already forget me.... this fault cannot blame them because of forgetting me,it is because of me seldom contact with them... i understand...early in this morning,i receive a message from my mum,she wish me happy birthday,i happy because still have my parent remember me...after i prepare all thing,as usually i go to work... when i reach shop,my mum gv me some money to celebrate it with my friend... how can i tell she,i didn't have friend ?? i just take the money and go to work... luckily my sis have call me and wish me happy birthday,except my parent,no one else remember this... but i didn't mind it at all.... since small until nw,in my family no one celebrate it with family.... i understand it because our family is a broken family... dad and mum seldom care about us because to earn money for us to study... i really wish can celebrate it with she(ning)... but i realize that number i give she use,she use it to chat with other boy... i understand,we already broke up but i still very care about she and wish one day we can together again... because of my anger,i sms she and scold she... she angry and didn't want to chat with me anymore.... after work,i back home and sitting alone at living room... i hug my dog on my arm and suddenly i cry it out... i also don't know why it will happen... i can't control it... in my mind,i think why i will be alone on my birthday ?? why ?? izit i leave my friend because of my love is wrong ?? izit not worth for me to do so ?? i feel hungry but i really didn't have the mood to eat... the whole day,i didn't eat at all.... i sit at living room and wait for she to celebrate it with me... from evening i wait until the last minutes of the day... finally i realize,she wont care me anymore because me not who for she... izit my birthday also called happy birthday ??